There Was Fire in the Air at Burning Man…..

- This is a guest post by Seth Leibowitz, who has just reported on the earliest qualifier ever, last August, at Burning Man. So, y’know, a bit late. It’s fine, no one’s mad.-

BLACK ROCK CITY, NV – After several days of wandering aimlessly through the desert, like tumbleweed, a new star emerged from the playa dust.  THE AIRISTOCRAT (Michael Miller, Oakland, CA) used a different kind of dust in his theatrics to give him the strength needed to slay 20 other competitors and take the first official Black Rock City Air Guitar Qualifier.  The Airistocrat will represent Black Rock City and advance to the 2015 Northwest Semifinal.

The event took place at 8:30 and Esplanade at the world famous Freestyle Palace where a crowd of people (some fans, some passer byes completely blown away with what they were seeing (probably with the help of other substances), and some veterans of the air guitar community).  Huge thanks to the Freestyle Palace camp mates for their love and support of air guitar.

The Airistocrat had to fend off the likes of FOR REAL CALLILE (not sure if his ID was verified), CYBER RHINO, THE ENDANGERED SPECIES David Sabistina, Lake Tahoe, CA), and PINKY SHREDDER (Detroit, MI) in the second round.

Central PA to Make History April 25th

- This is a guest post by the organizer of the Central PA qualifier, now free to host his event since evil overlord CorpAIRation has been ousted.-

Central PA Air Guitar QualifierAs US Air Guitar creeps into every nook and cranny of this great land Amish country is about to be consumed in the euphoria of Airness, which works out great since they aren’t allowed to play real guitars anyway.

Shippensburg, PA, formerly most famous for being sort-of close to places of importance, and probably having a celebrity pass through before now has reason to celebrate—US Air Guitar has arrived. Saturday April 25th at The Thought Lot you can observe others rock out to the most majestic of unobservable instruments.

Come on South Central PA! It’s time to wake up from our shoo-fly pie and scrapple induced coma and focus all the energy we’ve spent avoiding potholes into something productive.

We’ve spread manure.

We’ve spread apple butter.

We’ve spread out our handmade quilts for the world to purchase at reasonable prices.

Can’t we spread a little Air?

Unfortunately, full repeal of prohibition has yet to spread to Pennsylvania so this one is BYOB. Air provided gratis.

US Air Guitar Hacked by Unpaid Chinese

When future civilizations of post-apocalyptic supercockroaches ride the internet hot tub time machine into last week, they’ll find an odd series of posts announcing, among other things:

 

• CorpAIRation seizing executive control of US Air Guitar;

• the layoffs of the entire US Air Guitar Corporate Office and its finest judge, in favor of  playing fart noises into the microphone;

• the banning of bunting;

• the eventual arrest of CorpAIRation for the aforementioned bullet points;

• and the firing of me.

 

When reached for comment, CorpAIRation was quoted as saying, “It didn’t take my outsourced team of starving Chinese hackers long to realize the blog password was ‘air guitar.’ So I decided not to pay them.”

 

Final judgement: a very funny prank, and only two weeks late for April Fool’s Day, a blown deadline right out of ATC’s own playbook (e.g. “where’s the God damn 2015 tour press release?!”) And also: keep CorpAIRation and his technical bedfellow, Lt. Facemelter (Jason Farnan), away from the internet after taking down a couple of craft beer bongs.

Server Downish? USAG.com Updates Password Protocols

Server Downish

Corp Takeover Under Investigation

In the closing hours of a grueling day of layoffs, luxury acquisitions and a $1400 bottle of Cristal, it’s been announced that capitalist douchenozzle, The CorpAIRation (Brian Reeves), is under investigation by the SEC for possible insider trading, mere hours after he was behind the helm at US Air Guitar.

 

Corp-bars

Reuters Report CorpAIRation Net Worth From 1.2 Billion to 3 packs of Kools

 

The CorpAIRation was last seen leaving USAG Headquarters in handcuffs, remarking that he’ll be using his one phone call to contact his attorney, Juris Rocktor.