USAG issues 2014 “Left Justified” Best Of Awards

At a black tie event hosted by our pal Nathan and exquisitely catered by CORP-AIR-ATION (Brian Reeves), co-commissioner KRISTON RUCKER presented the 2014 “best of” awards this evening in limited edition left-justified format (thanks, Holiday Inn Express Business Center!)  Among those honored were Seattle’s MORTIMAIR SNERD (Jason Cheung) and KC’s own THUNDERBALL (Nielson Fury), whose award was promptly placed on the fridge.

 

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Here’s the full list, or some revision thereof, for which your comments and corrections are encouraged:

 

The “Gary” Award for Being Here Maxwell Silverhammer
Stiff Dickens award for innovation Sparklehoof
The Daniel Day Lewis Award Dry Ice
The C-Diddy award for best performance Tony Tapatio
rookie of the year Jon Face
Minute Thief award (For We Shall Never Get That 60 Seconds Back) [4 print-outs required] MortimAIR Snerd
G-TSO Money award for most improved – Kingslayer
The Shred Nugent Award for Technical Purity – Tiger Claw
The Bettie BeGood 9-Toe-Trophy – Dick Diesel
The Frophy Award for Excellence in Character Development and Execution. Tyranicus
“The Air Bear” award for drunken idiocy Nordic “Pool
Sleeper” Thunder
“The Claw” – Tiger Claw Award For most dedication to the sport Mean Melin
The William Ocean Award for William Ocean William Ocean
The Nordic Thunder “Going all Nordic on ’em” Award Shred
Dirty Airy Patriotic Dick in a Sock Award Dirty Airy
The Crucible (aka The Density Award) aka The Nuetron Star Award – It weighs around 100 million tons per cubic centimeter, any more dense and it collapses into a black hole Lt Facemelter
The Magic Cyclops Award Old Glory / Marty McSuperfly
The Airistotle – (Cheerleader Medal) Pvt Melter
TROPHIES-PRINTED
Profile of Excellence – In the Field of Magnificence (1) GT$O Money for showing up at every fucking competition
The Egregious Cell Award MS Excel
Profile of Excellence – In the Field of Magnificence (4) none
Profile of Excellence – In the Field of Magnificence (5) none
The Six String General Award (for someone who got fucked by judge) GT$O Money
Widest Reacharound Mitt Umlaut
Achievment in Making Us Look Like A Legit Sport Instead Of A Bunch Of Drunken Assholes Windhammer
The Freebird Award Capt Airhab
The Doug Stroock Wind Beneith Our Wang Award Doug Again, renamed to Wind Beneath Our Wangs Award
Achievement in Asian Fury Thunderball
The Bjorn Turoque “We Try Harder” Award  I Forgot
Triumphing In The Face Of Excellence Dirty Airy
Hall of Fame Nominations
The ATC Award for qATC (pronounced “QWHATSEE”) Qualifying ATC – New Award Unissued
The ATC Alta Vista Webbie Award for Excellence In Superior Blogging Canadian Bacon!!
The Wind Beneath Our Wings Award Maureen “Mo” O’Neill
The Sister Sister Award Operation Rockapussy and/or Rockupine

 

 

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12 Responses to USAG issues 2014 “Left Justified” Best Of Awards

  1. Tiger Claw says:

    I’m honored to receive the first ever, Shred Nugent Award for Technical Purity, and at the same time, also honored to have the 2013 World Champion, and good friend, Mean Melin, receive the Tiger Claw Award for passion and dedication to our fine sport.