AIRISTOTLE TO FINLAND: “YOU’RE TOTALLY FUCKED”

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AIRISTOTLE (Matt Burns), in an unprecedented 4-peat U.S Championship victory, points east toward Finland with a message of world peace, love, and a deep hunger for reindeer and tunafish pizza. Stay tuned for complete wrap-up.

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National Finals Live Stream & Set Times!

The National Finals will be TELEVISED from Austin at 9:30 Eastern / 6:30 Pacific. (Duh!) Watch it on our FB Stream here (updated link)!

P.S. This place is on fire. An hour before the show people were already lined up down the block. Don’t say we didn’t warn you, get here now!

 

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Fuck the Olympics, we have FREE ICE CREAM!

Ten Reasons the Olympics should have scheduled around tonight’s National Finals (Tickets here! ¡Boletos aqui!):

 

  1. 1. Free Ben & Jerry’s ice cream truck!
  2. 2. Air Guitarbecue (pulled pork sword, etc.) at discount rates!
  3. 3. We’re dropping Pokémon lures!
  4. 4. We’ll have a Snapchat geofilter!
  5. 5. Bunting!
  6. 6. Someone ripped off Hot Lixx’s crotch WEEKS before the show and sharpied in “Fucking crazy!”
  7. 7. Read the rest of the list right here for a chance to win a meet and greet with legendary 2005 US Air Guitar Champion Rockness Monster!

 

Hot Lixx

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Dark Horse 2016: Augment Your Reality

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Winners: Mom Jeans Jeanie (Nicole Sevcik), Air Jesus (JoJo Longbotton), Flying Finn (Andrew Finn), Erik Ittar Jr (Erich Hacker), SixStringSal (Thomas Saladin)

 

Second-rounders: Whammy Hagar (Tim Granlund), Slashsqautch (Taylor Fullbright), Operation Rock-a-Pussy (Michael Lovely), CindAIRella (Beth Melin), Iron Dragon (Justin Fox)

 

Noteworthy performances: Every. Fucking. One.

 

AUSTIN, TX — Every year around this time the second best of the best, the almost good enough, the wannabes and “damn-nears,” are invited to play an underground, unpublished show for one last shot to compete in the National Finals. Similar to – and better than – the Nobel Prize, recipients of Dark Horse invitations are hand-selected by the Office of the Co-commissionership staffers, who are limited to only one vote per hand. The information is then transmitted via Telegram from Corporate HQ to each recipient’s local post office or Western Union, where it is then scanned and delivered via limited edition jpeg.

 

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For many professional air guitarists and air guitar bloggers, it is the most fun show of the year.

 

Mom Jeans, Air Jesus, Flying Finn, Erik Ittar, & Six String Sal Advance from Dark Horse!

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After a raucous Dark Horse competition at an undisclosed location for the ages, Mom Jeans Jeanie (Nicole Sevcik), Air Jesus (JoJo Longbottom), Flying Finn (Andrew Finn), Erik Ittar (Erich Hacker), and newcomer Six String Sal (Thomas Saladin) now count themselves among the country’s best professional air guitarists, and thus advance to the National Finals in Austin this Saturday.

 

But after Thursday night’s display of superb talent and unmatched devotion, one question remains: will Saturday night’s show at the Empire Control Room live up to the hype?

 

You bet your ass.

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